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Caution: Long blog post ahead! Well, travel is an enriching experience. For me, travel is meditation. It is the best kind of therapy. Travel is not about going away from home. It is about making another one! Which is why, I consider myself fortunate to have had the opportunity to travel to the mystic land […]
He rushed out of the bathroom. Five past nine. Gosh! He was late.
He couldn’t miss meeting her today. It was an important day at work, but she was his lucky charm. He glanced at the clock from the corner of his eye as he brushed his hair.
9:15!! Time was flying today…faster than it usually did. But then time always played these sly games with him every time he had to meet her. Conspirator!
He couldn’t be late today, no. She hardly ever waited for him. She had left him and gone alone in the last two days. He couldn’t make it three days in a row. No, he just couldn’t.
The wall clock seemed to be glaring at him, as he began to hunt for a decent pair of socks. 9:25! Shoot. Why did hostel life have to be so messy? He made a mental note to clean the room up and re-arrange his cupboard. Grabbing his bag and the keys, he raced out of the building.
9:28. He was too late for his daily share-a-cab routine, he realised. He’d have to hail a private cab. Over-budget by Rs.10 early in the morning, he thought. Sigh. These calculations always played at the back of his mind. He hated it.
He briefly glanced at the sea that he was used to seeing. Perhaps the only posh thing about his hostel was its location. He couldn’t help but think about her as he continued gazing at the vast expanse of blue water on his left. Honestly, her usual maroon-red dress code was so repetitive. He was bored. He hoped to see her in another attire sometime.
9:35! Oh no! This Pizza by the Bay traffic signal always played a foul game with him. Hmpf. He’d have definitely jumped the signal had he been driving, the angry thought occurred to him. Maybe that is why he wasn’t, he smiled to himself.
9:37. He was racing against time. As he waded through the sea of office goers at Churchgate station, his head was throbbing, too. Will she be there, or won’t she? Will she? Won’t she?
Running past the overly crowded ticket counter, he stopped abruptly to look for her. Panting, he was trying to suck in all the oxygen he possibly could. But the strong aroma of coffee made it so difficult for him to breathe. His shirt dripping with sweat, he stood there. Defeated. Still panting. Bending to hold his knees.
She had left.
ANNOUNCEMENT: Andheri ke liye 9 bajhkar 38 minute ki 12 dibbon ki jalad local aaj deri se chal rahi hai. Yaatriyon ko hone waali asuvidha ke liye hume khed hai. (The 12 coach fast local for Andheri, leaving at 9hrs and 38minutes is running late today. Inconvenience caused to passengers is highly regretted Continue reading
He slapped her so furiously that she fell on the floor, weeping inconsolably. It wasn’t true. It couldn’t possibly be true. She was quivering and her lips had begun to bleed.
She sat there, on the living room floor, sobbing away. Her tiny frame looked tinier when she cried. Who would have said that this was one lady who had just heard the best news of her life? Who would have said that here was a woman who ought to be celebrating the happy news with family and friends? But here she was, abandoned in her own house, left sobbing with a face so beautiful, that it looked divine even as it bled.
She was baffled, and hurt at the same time. She thought he would be happy when he heard it. She thought he would pull her in his arms and thank her for the good news. She thought she knew him.
Tears can be both – of sorrow and of joy
Life can play with us and use us like a toy
Life plays its game in a way so sly
In the end, we are just left behind to sit and cry
“It is either me or that girl”, he said to her so coldly that her heart froze. She was expecting their first child. The tests couldn’t possibly be true. It was a girl. A GIRL! He was furious. She knew it. But his nonchalance had shocked her, completely.
A million emotions were churning inside her stomach at that moment. Her eyes were moist already. How could he ask her to choose between him and…her daughter? THEIR daughter! She was angry. She was hurt. Hadn’t he always loved her? She had never seen this side of him – brash and cold. How well educated he was! How could he still think so narrow-mindedly? Wasn’t she a woman, too? If he could love her, then why was it so difficult for him to love his daughter?
So many questions we have to live and face
The scars of life, nobody can erase
Decisions are always difficult to take
Our choices can help a million destinies make
She sat silently and recollected about how she had grown in an orphanage. Her parents had abandoned her, apparently. She knew how it felt. She had always looked forward to being a mother. She had always wanted a baby daughter – her small, innocent and beautiful princess. The little doll she would pamper with all her love. She had always dreamed of how she would give her daughter all the love and care in the world – something that she, herself, was not fortunate enough to get. She wanted her daughter to live the life that she had never lived herself. She had always wanted a daughter. A daughter she would know too well.
Dreams most certainly don’t always come true
We always wonder how time came and when it flew
Courage is a habit that bites us hard
But does it matter, if we fail to play the right card?
The long silences at home had begun to trouble her now. It was almost a month, and he still hadn’t arrived after ‘that fateful day’. She was tired and drained. She missed him. She missed being loved by him and his family. She missed being loved at all. There wasn’t a single day when she hadn’t cried. How did things take such a bad turn? She had to make a choice. But what about her daughter? The little innocent life – so pure and unaware of the cruel world she was going to be born in. How could she be so unfair to the little one? How could she kill her own daughter? How could she betray her own unassuming child?
She was unsure if she could live without him. She didn’t know if her own happiness was reason enough to kill the child.
She slowly closed her eyes, as she lay on her bed, waiting to face another day.
the next day..
HEADLINES TODAY:
25 YEAR OLD WOMAN JUMPS OFF 9 STOREYED BUILDING IN MUMBAI. REPORTS CONFIRM SHE WAS ONE MONTH PREGNANT. HUSBAND IN POLICE CUSTODY.
suicide note said:
I love you…
…but not without my daughter.
Photo credits : Vision Photography.
She knew not why she was there. It had been long since the last time she came here.
“The skywalk is so peaceful”, he had always said.
She stood there, overlooking the traffic, and smiled to herself. Smiled over memories of the numerous times he’d kept her waiting, all the fights they had had, the arguments, the disagreements, the long ‘skywalk’ talks, and the most ordinary, yet amazing friendship.
The memories were flooding into her head. There was a part of her that had always been unsure of her feelings for him. Maybe that is why she was here today, after so long and all of a sudden…to reminisce.
There was not a day when they hadn’t spoken to each other. On the days when they hadn’t, there’d be a mutual feeling of emptiness inside both of them. But now, it had been months since they last met. She was confused. Was she getting used to being without him? Or was she there because she was missing him? She eagerly wanted to know if he was missing her as much as she was missing him. Was he thinking about her as much as she was, about him? She had always thought she was strong enough. So why this outburst of emotions in her head? Was it because she really felt for him, or was it normal for her to feel that way about her best friend?
She missed those days. Weren’t they the best of friends? Why was she missing him all of a sudden now? She hadn’t really given much thought to this before. Why had doubt suddenly started creeping in then? Why was she thinking so much about him? Had she really fallen for her best friend? It couldn’t possibly be…
There were so many questions running in her head, and she wanted answers to all of them. For how long would she keep running away? She had avoided herself for a very long time now.
She was still unable to understand why she was there, at the skywalk.
Maybe it just reminded her of him. Maybe it made her realize that college was long over and that lost time would never come back to her again. Maybe it made her believe that she did love him..more than a friend..
She started walking down the skywalk, smiling again. The strong wind had now begun to blow the tresses across her face..
She wondered, maybe, it was just right that she had let things be..
Ananya!
Here’s wishing the most beautiful daughter a very happy birthday!
I hope mom has not given this letter to you at 12..you must be flooded with calls! Answer them, I’d love to see you laugh! How are you betah? I miss you a lot.
I miss you every moment. I’d always wanted to see you grow up into the beautiful young lady that you are today. I miss you very much.
Do you still hide under the table every time mom comes to you with carrot juice? Ah, I forget again..you’re a pretty young lady of 16 now! This is your first year at college, isn’t it? Wow! My little one finally turns big.
I’m sorry for what I did to mom and you, Anu. You’re mature enough to understand me now. I pray every day for you to forgive me. I’m sure you will, someday. I let you down and left you & mom alone to fight your own battles. But I really love you’ll and every moment I only wish that I could be with the two of you. I wish I could be right there with you today, I wish I could continue taking you to the park on every week end and I wish we could be a happy family again!
Anu, I write to you to tell you that life is the most beautiful gift given to us by God. So cherish it! And make the most of it. Live every moment of your life to the fullest, make the most of it and enjoy it!
I know you’re a brilliant child, Anu. I’m sure you’ll achieve success in everything you do. But just one request – keep your mom happy, always, and make her proud..I failed at it, but my hopes are pinned on you now!
I’m just randomly going on and on, and you must be wondering why. Its just that I have so much to tell you, but words fail me. I wish I could talk to you right now!
I’m sorry, child. I didn’t listen to you. I should’ve quit smoking. Maybe then, cancer wouldn’t have gotten the better of me and maybe my little girl wouldn’t have missed her papa so much.
But don’t you ever feel alone, my child, cuz your papa is always looking at you from right up there in the sky. Your papa loves you a lot, Anu and misses you a lot!
And finally, you must remember one thing..you will never find me gone..cuz I have you with me – my daughter, my life.
There is no life, there is no death.
The path of future, no God has set.
This is a place where you find all blood
only the rivers of tears, here, flood.
He banged the door shut with forceful aggression like never before. He was angry, he was mad.
He had failed, yet again. Doubts started creeping in, this time. Did he really want to do this?
Every passing second brought along with itself a myriad questions to his head.
“Dinner is ready. Please eat something”, his wife barely managed to squeak. Glancing at her menacingly, he thundered, “Get lost.” She immediately left, teary-eyed.
He was left alone with his thoughts, once again. The thoughts were slowly eating into him, his life, his conscience. The guilt seemed to resurface. He shouldn’t have taken that decision. This was ging to be tough. He had questions to answer – to himself. Questions, the answers to which were now long due.
Silence is sometimes louder than screams.
Every human, so inhuman seems.
The life of another has no value for them,
there is place only for hatred to stem.
They took away his father when he was barely four. Took away? They killed him. Brutally, right in front of his eyes. It would never be the same for him again, he seemed to know. The wails and the ladies’ cries had begun to annoy him. He was intently thinking- he had observed how that man had slit his father’s throat with utmost celerity, while another stabbed him in the back. It looked so easy to him. Of-course, at the age of four, he was fascinated.
Courage inspired him. He could envisage the people’s eyes when they’d see him. The very feeling gave him a high. That is how his journey began- from a petty goon, to a gangster, and now the strategist of an international terror group.
Every story must begin at a place.
Every person has his dream to chase.
The choice that man, for himself, makes
Puts the lives of a million others at stake.
He woke up, startled. He hated sleep, and despised dreams. Dreams, to him, meant visions of his father’s death. Gathering himself, he immediately started working on his next ‘project’.
An uphill task awaited him. Target: 1000 people to kill. If not more, nothing else. The last time, he had failed. This was a test for him. An acid test. He could not afford to lose this time. He’d lose not just his life, but also his dream..his purpose. He worked hard. Days passed. Weeks, too. To kill, was his job. His duty. His belief. He would prove himself.
Courage is that cold blooded swine.
Sometimes, it will let you shine.
Its not anout religion, its not about race.
What matters is, how fast your dreams gain pace.
It was the day of judgement. The day to prove himself to those who had questioned him, his ability, his dreams. But there was a vaccuum inside his head. It felt strange to him. He felt empty. He was nervous. Yes, nervous. He knew not, why. There was panic, for he couldn’t let this happen to himself. He COULD, and he WOULD do it. He had experience to fall on, if not luck.
However, self doubt was soon getting the better of him. He was sweating profusely. Had human emotions ever troubled him so much before? He couldn’t answer himself. All he knew was that something inside him was stopping him from doing it. Maybe, innocent young lives were at stake.
Was it humanity? He went blank.
HEADLINES TODAY:
MUMBAI CITY RIPPED BY BOMB BLASTS AGAIN. 5 SERIAL BLASTS AT EDUCATIONAL INSTITUTIONS ACROSS THE CITY. DEATH TOLL RISES TO 912. CITY PARALYSED.
…it never was humanity.
It was only desire. Desire, to achieve his dreams, to achieve his goals.
Desire to be ruthless, to be courageous.
Desire, to do his duty well.
Desire, to kill.
Postcards and poems 